Blood Bank
by Fib1123581321
Summary: 'It's the sacrifice and it's the melody, smooth but sharp like copper. It's your decision to change the lyrics to the Capitol's favorite song, and I can't help but like it better now that you're the one singing it.' Peeta reflects on his love story with Katniss until he can't remember it anymore. Contains some language.


_**Note:** I honestly have no idea where this came from, but I sort of felt like embracing the poetic side that a lot of my readers have been pointing out lately. Anyway, this is what came of it, and it's a 'reflective' (you'll understand the pun when you read it) one-shot from Peeta's POV that chronicles his love for Katniss over the course of the THG series (though it doesn't go all the way to the ending of Mockingjay). In italics are the lyrics of the Bon Iver song that I named the story after, so unfortunately I don't own them, nor do I own the characters that Suzanne Collins created. **  
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_Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!_

_-Hailey_

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**Blood Bank**

_Well, I met you at the blood bank_

_We were looking at the bags_

_Wondering if any of the colors_

_Matched any of the names we knew on the tags_

I meet you in two ways.

The first is in the songs and the dandelions of the spring, and like the feeble flower, you blow away before I can catch you. But as you go, you spread your voice across the fields, and I hear your music everywhere I stray. It gives me peace in a home that doesn't have any, and in a land that I don't understand. But you live in the valley and I in the town, and so we don't see each other but for the times when you dare to come around.

The second is in the starvation and the cold of the winter, and this time I'm the one who gives you something, instead of you giving it to me. This is when the blood starts, though I don't realize at the time how much more blood we'll share. All I know is that you're hungry and lost and scared. And I do all that I can to keep you in this life, because it's the only way to hold onto the possibility of us having a life together.

I see you through the eyes of two people.

The first is an older boy you know, and I always wonder if you love him as much as he loves you. Sometimes I think you do, because I see how worried you are every year at the reaping, and it's never for yourself. You're terrified that his name will be called, though at first I don't know why, because he would win. He would win these Games so easily, and that's what makes me understand the part that you're afraid of. You know that he would win, but you also know that the Games would change him. He would come back not as an older boy you know, but as a man you don't recognize. And that's when I promise myself that I'll never let people change me. I want to always be a boy you know.

The second is a little girl you call your sister. She's named after a flower just like you, and I learn to look for her whenever I can't find you. I like her, because she sees all the same things in you that I do, like the music and the hunger and the softness. Mostly, though, I like watching her because of the way she makes you feel. I know that you would do anything for her, and I wonder if you'd ever feel that way for somebody else. I hope that one day you will for me.

I fall in love with you after two words.

The first – 'I' – is so simple that I can't even explain it, but like winter and spring, the second word would be nothing without it.

The second – 'volunteer' – is strong and sure, and it pounds across the square like blood rushes from a wound. Everyone stops to hear it, because with this word, you will change the world. But it's not the strength behind it that I love. It's the sacrifice and it's the melody, smooth but sharp like copper. It's your decision to change the lyrics to the Capitol's favorite song, and I can't help but like it better now that you're the one singing it.

_You said, see look that's yours_

_Stacked on top with your brother's_

_See how they resemble one another_

_Even in their plastic little covers_

I decide to protect you before we're even there. I have a plan to keep you safe, if only so that you can return to those two people at home who love you. I know that you're supposed to win over me, because you have a voice and I don't.

But you're not okay with it. You say that you don't want to owe me anything, and I tell you that you don't. You'll never owe me anything because you've already given me everything I have, but you don't listen. I fight and you barely survive and you blame me for all of it, and I wish that I could stop. I wish that I didn't have to be the one who loves you more than you do me, like that older boy you know, because it's exhausting and because it kills me.

And that isn't a metaphor. It's literal, because I'm the one whose blood is spilt. I'm the one who puts myself in danger and suffers the consequences. I'm the one who fights until he can't anymore. I'm the one who doesn't see you leave. I'm the one who lets you save me.

_And I said I know it well_

_That secret that you knew but you don't know how to tell_

_It fucks with your honor and it teases your head_

_But you know that it's good girl_

'_Cause it's running you with red_

I'm the one who's supposed to die here, but you just have to ruin that too. I don't know if it's my leg or my head or maybe just you, but the rules of our game are starting to blur. First, you kiss me and it's magic. It feels like a season all on its own; it's dark but warm, wet but soft, love but not.

Then you tell me to swallow those berries – those tiny, round pearls of destruction – and it works. They come to pick us up, but I wish that we could stay. They keep us alive, but my only remedy is you. They tell us that it's over, but we both know that it's not.

_Then the snow started falling_

_We were stuck out in your car_

_You were rubbing both your hands_

_Chewing on a candy bar_

You say that you want to forget, but you're lying. You hunt and I bake, and you pretend and I wallow. But then night comes, and you cry and I hold you, and then Snow comes in all its forms, and you fall and I catch you. You plan and I paint, and you wallow and I pretend. I say that everything will be okay, but I'm lying.

_You said, ain't this just like the present_

_To be showing up like this?_

_As a moon waned to crescent_

_We started to kiss_

Haymitch is the one who's supposed to fight here, but I just have to ruin that too. I think it's best for all of us if he continues to be your mentor and I continue to be your knight, because you need all the protection you can get when so many rules are starting to blur. First, I kiss you and it's magic. It feels like an island all on its own; it's fiery but sweet, quick but patient, love but not.

Then I give you a piece of me – a tiny, round pearl of perfection – and it works. You love me a little more, but I wish that it was enough. You promise that you'll stay with me, but you never keep your promises. You tell me that it'll be over soon, but soon comes and it's not.

_And I said I know it well_

_That secret that we know but we don't know how to tell_

_I'm in love with your honor, I'm in love with your cheeks_

_What's that noise up the stairs, babe?_

_Is that Christmas morning creaks?_

You decide to protect me before we're even there. You have a plan to keep me safe, if only to return the favor. But I'm still captured over you, because you have a purpose and I don't.

But I'm not okay with it. You're doing it because you feel like you owe it to me, and I wish that you were doing it because you love me. You should love me because I've already given you everything that I have, but you don't see it. You fight and I barely survive and I blame you for all of it, and I wish that you could stop. I wish that you didn't have to wonder if it's me you love or that older boy you know, because it's exhausting and because it kills you.

And that isn't a metaphor. It's literal, because you're the one they're after. You're the one who puts yourself in danger, and I merely suffer the consequences. I'm the one who's tortured until he can't remember you anymore. I'm the one who doesn't see you leave. I'm the one who won't let you save me.

_And I know it well, I know it well_

_And I know it well, I know it_

_And I know it, I know it_

_And I know it, I know it_

I forget you in two ways.

The first is in the silence and the rebirth of the spring, and like the trees that sprout fresh flowers, I die and return as someone new. Your songs turn into screams, and my dreams become nightmares, because I can't hear the music anymore. I am locked away in a cell with no peace, trapped in a land that I don't understand. And for the first time in my life, I don't wonder where you are, and I don't wish to see you. I only wish to kill you.

The second is in the stillness and the pain of the hidden winter, and this time I'm the one who has to suffer. This is when the blood starts, and it goes on forever, until somehow I start to like it. All I know is that I'm no longer hungry and lost and scared. I no longer have anything to hope for, because I finally understand that you were never worth fighting for and that this is what you always wanted. You always wanted me to forget the short life we had together.

I replace you with the eyes of two people.

The first is an older man named Snow, and he tells me things that I try to resist, but then can't help but give in to. He makes me trust him the way I could never trust you, and soon I understand that we both want the same thing. We've suffered the same loss. We feel the same betrayal. He says that it's okay for me to change, that you've given me plenty of reason to, and I believe him. And that's when I promise to let him change me. I don't ever again want to be a boy you know.

The second is a young girl who says she's Finnick's lover. Her name means grace and mercy, but she doesn't have or receive any. I don't like her, because she resists all the things that are only meant to help us, like the shocks and the burns and the dark. Mostly, though, I don't like her because of the way she claims she feels. She says that she would do anything for Finnick, and it makes me remember things that I'm not supposed to, as if I once felt that way for somebody else. But then I remember that the girl with the braid never felt the same for me, and so I have no reason to hope that she ever will.

I fall out of love with you after two words.

The first – 'not' – is so simple that I can't even explain it, but like winter with spring, the second word's meaning would change completely without it.

The second – 'real' – is weak and wounded, and it races through my veins like a virus attacking a host of cells. I can barely hear it, because with this word, my world will change. But it's not the weakness behind it that I hate. It's the confusion and it's the loneliness, silent but raging like punctured skin. It's my decision to let the Capitol change the lyrics to my favorite song, and I can't help but wonder about the girl who used to sing it.

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**_Note: _**_Again, thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought of it in a review. All feedback is appreciated._

_-Hailey  
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